When I was a kid, I loved " Gold Spot", the orange flavoured soda. In fact, I loved it for the orange taste, and also because I couldn't take in the 'extreme' soda that Campa Cola, Thums Up and Limca had (there were no Pepsi or Coke those days). I just loved Gold Spot.
But as soon as I grew up, that is, developed the sense of twisting our tastes to appear sophisticated, I gave up Gold Spot. Only Children and ladies drank Gold Spot, I observed. And I wanted to be neither a kid (eeeeekssss!!!!) , nor a female (I became female only in 1999).
So I gave up my love. I can't remember when I last tasted it.
Today, in a flimsy moment, I bought "Crush" (a soft drink, orange flavoured) from the nearby grocery store. I just had it.
I loved it.
I had to! It so much resembled my first love!! Gold Spot! The Zing Thing! (what does zing mean, anyway??)
Next, I found this on youtube. It used to come in the 1980s, when I did not ditch it.
Simple material things give us so much pleasure. Rather, gives me so much pleasure. Oh, I'm not apologetic and ashamed of confessing it. When did we start to apologize for being honest?!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sensibilities? I don't know. I don't know what title would be satisfying. I don't care.
Yes, I don't care. I don't care anymore, I don't care about "doing Sociology" and subscribing to (as much as I hate it) the precious idea of doing it for the benevolent purpose. Not when 14 villagers (officially, according to CPM and government officials, that is) and 40 (unofficially) are shot by state sponsored police.
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/six-killed-in-nandigram-violence/35984-3.html
and this says 14: http://www.ndtv.com/topstories/showtopstory.asp?slug=Nandigram+violence+kills+14%0D&id=21629&category=National
But death toll has risen more than that. Before we point fingers at the world, at TMC, at CPM, before we meet our deadlines and exchange greetings, and before we sip our mocha-s and beers and eat our food, would we ever go beyond the figures?
What are we? What, exactly what will take us to jolt us of our indifferent and inhuman sensibilities?
I do include me within this "we". Apart from writing my blog, what can I do?
This is a question that is haunting me. And I seriously hope I will find an answer. Probably not today. But I'll be little more at peace if ever I can find the answer.
http://www.ibnlive.com/news/six-killed-in-nandigram-violence/35984-3.html
and this says 14: http://www.ndtv.com/topstories/showtopstory.asp?slug=Nandigram+violence+kills+14%0D&id=21629&category=National
But death toll has risen more than that. Before we point fingers at the world, at TMC, at CPM, before we meet our deadlines and exchange greetings, and before we sip our mocha-s and beers and eat our food, would we ever go beyond the figures?
What are we? What, exactly what will take us to jolt us of our indifferent and inhuman sensibilities?
I do include me within this "we". Apart from writing my blog, what can I do?
This is a question that is haunting me. And I seriously hope I will find an answer. Probably not today. But I'll be little more at peace if ever I can find the answer.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Depressed Day # 73452
Some days I appear to be stressed, probably of no reason.
And there are various, some trivial and some huge, reasons why I'm stressed. Which leads to depression. As much as people know me, probably they know this (and make fun of this as well), that I'm a depressed person. I don't conceal the fact. Neither am I proud of it. It's part of me, ....and as much as I like easy answers to everything, there is no one-liner answer or any easy answer to why I seem to be depressed most of the time.
It's just not one reason. I live too much in my past.....and too much in loneliness. Even as much as I realize this, I cannot control it, or certain chemicals in my brain that are supposed to cause depression. I wish I could control those who ask me: " what happened? why are you depressed?" I wish I would never had to interact with them...so that I don't end up being even more irritable and irritated. I wish I could tell them not to mess with me, and make them regret their decision if they did.
Right now, I'm more stresssed than depressed.
Over writing a book review. Over writing an A grade book review. Over the fact that I don't have a clue where to start, and what to put in-between, within 800 words.
Lata Mangeshkar is helping me a lot....in curbing it....the stress. And the depression.
And there are various, some trivial and some huge, reasons why I'm stressed. Which leads to depression. As much as people know me, probably they know this (and make fun of this as well), that I'm a depressed person. I don't conceal the fact. Neither am I proud of it. It's part of me, ....and as much as I like easy answers to everything, there is no one-liner answer or any easy answer to why I seem to be depressed most of the time.
It's just not one reason. I live too much in my past.....and too much in loneliness. Even as much as I realize this, I cannot control it, or certain chemicals in my brain that are supposed to cause depression. I wish I could control those who ask me: " what happened? why are you depressed?" I wish I would never had to interact with them...so that I don't end up being even more irritable and irritated. I wish I could tell them not to mess with me, and make them regret their decision if they did.
Right now, I'm more stresssed than depressed.
Over writing a book review. Over writing an A grade book review. Over the fact that I don't have a clue where to start, and what to put in-between, within 800 words.
Lata Mangeshkar is helping me a lot....in curbing it....the stress. And the depression.
Ethnography: Married International Students
Disclaimer: International Students in my blog implies only Indian Students studying in North America.
Back to making claims--about married International students--and fulfilling my earlier made promise of coming up with a treatise on International Students, this post would also include Committed International Students. (treatise excludes committed couples in a long distance relationship).
Category 1: Married/Committed couple, both being students (without kids)
Dreams: Dollars, the good life, smashit careers.
Reality: Mostly achieves and lives with the dream. If you are on an inherent and Buddhian quest to find the happy man, look closer at these people. These people work hard and party harder (in weekends, with other married/committed couples.) Their friends mostly consist of happy people, with some single souls thrown in for variation, interesting conversation and to fulfill the maternal instinct/protective instinct (of these couples). These student couples eat well, look well, make great pics, and publish well too. They go home once in 2 or 3 years, in perfect timing to get married/attend other weddings of friends/family, buy jewellery and clothes, fulfill familial duties of being the time-being son/daughter-in-law, comes back and talks about that "vacation" for the next 2-3 weeks.
These couples generally love to experiment with food, dress and beverages. Both the male and female generally drink alcohol and do not think of it as sinful. They consume beef and pork and they do swear, too. Mostly English swear words, though.
Category 2: Married/Committed Couple, with one of them being the Grad Student.
The student in these couples is mostly male. Haven't ever seen the opposite--that is, the female being the student and the male being the homemaker.
Dreams: Dollars, more dollars, the good life, smashit career, recipes, more recipes, a perfect house (with a worship room), kids
Reality: Mostly achieves the good life, recipe, one career and somewhat the dollar part. The incomplete puzzle piece of the happy picture is composed of some sighs regarding more recipes, sometimes slight defraction from achieving the perfect career, and the absence of kids and sometimes, a career for the wife.
These guys work in the weekdays and work less in the weekends. Weekends are one long never ending party, to be spent in inviting similar couples, getting invited to dinner invitations from similar couples, and in thinking about how to make life even more beautiful, enjoyable, ...apart from grocery shopping and preparing hard-to-harder Indian dishes that Moms back home could only dream of making. These couples love food, love people who love food, and love to find ingredients and replaceable ingredients in a phoren country that can make awesome food. Yes, the females in these kind of relationships form the inspiration of the "boudi-s" in Sunil Ganguly's novels/stories, as well as Shankar's, Shirshendu's and other author's writings.
If you want to be well-fed, you must and must visit these households.
However, these couples generally do not consume Beef. Pork ....is iffy....you would get mixed results if you do a survey...but that's not something preferred. These couples generally do not swear. If the guy used to, once upon a time, he wouldn't, once he starts forming the couple picture.
Generally the male drinks, the female doesn't. Generally the male appreciates the food, the female makes it. Generally, these guys are overweight. They make happy pics, but I can't gurantee that you would feel happy after seeing those pics.
These couples go home once in 3-4 years. Shops and does the usual there. And feels more resolute in their decision to stay in their phoren abode. The dust, the pollution, the heat, the sound, and the people back home appear too much to take, for them.
In addition, careers pay more, are easier to find, and more stimulating here. Therefore, almost all married/committed couples think, ...and do, stay back (back= North America. The US. Canada).
Common stuff: Love for food, love for dollars, Love for North America, love, love and love in general...towards each other, and their friends consisting mostly of other married/committed couples.
Also, married/committed couples are involved in less online activity. They are involved rather, in more socializing. Almost no porn is enjoyed by the male. The couples use very less of webcams but makes very huge use of digicams. They possess very low to low knowledge of politics, music, TV and social scene of India (or what used to be home).
So what's the bottomline of reading this long and boring post?
Get a partner/married, before coming for Grad Studies. You will end up happier. You will never, ever, regret it.
Back to making claims--about married International students--and fulfilling my earlier made promise of coming up with a treatise on International Students, this post would also include Committed International Students. (treatise excludes committed couples in a long distance relationship).
Category 1: Married/Committed couple, both being students (without kids)
Dreams: Dollars, the good life, smashit careers.
Reality: Mostly achieves and lives with the dream. If you are on an inherent and Buddhian quest to find the happy man, look closer at these people. These people work hard and party harder (in weekends, with other married/committed couples.) Their friends mostly consist of happy people, with some single souls thrown in for variation, interesting conversation and to fulfill the maternal instinct/protective instinct (of these couples). These student couples eat well, look well, make great pics, and publish well too. They go home once in 2 or 3 years, in perfect timing to get married/attend other weddings of friends/family, buy jewellery and clothes, fulfill familial duties of being the time-being son/daughter-in-law, comes back and talks about that "vacation" for the next 2-3 weeks.
These couples generally love to experiment with food, dress and beverages. Both the male and female generally drink alcohol and do not think of it as sinful. They consume beef and pork and they do swear, too. Mostly English swear words, though.
Category 2: Married/Committed Couple, with one of them being the Grad Student.
The student in these couples is mostly male. Haven't ever seen the opposite--that is, the female being the student and the male being the homemaker.
Dreams: Dollars, more dollars, the good life, smashit career, recipes, more recipes, a perfect house (with a worship room), kids
Reality: Mostly achieves the good life, recipe, one career and somewhat the dollar part. The incomplete puzzle piece of the happy picture is composed of some sighs regarding more recipes, sometimes slight defraction from achieving the perfect career, and the absence of kids and sometimes, a career for the wife.
These guys work in the weekdays and work less in the weekends. Weekends are one long never ending party, to be spent in inviting similar couples, getting invited to dinner invitations from similar couples, and in thinking about how to make life even more beautiful, enjoyable, ...apart from grocery shopping and preparing hard-to-harder Indian dishes that Moms back home could only dream of making. These couples love food, love people who love food, and love to find ingredients and replaceable ingredients in a phoren country that can make awesome food. Yes, the females in these kind of relationships form the inspiration of the "boudi-s" in Sunil Ganguly's novels/stories, as well as Shankar's, Shirshendu's and other author's writings.
If you want to be well-fed, you must and must visit these households.
However, these couples generally do not consume Beef. Pork ....is iffy....you would get mixed results if you do a survey...but that's not something preferred. These couples generally do not swear. If the guy used to, once upon a time, he wouldn't, once he starts forming the couple picture.
Generally the male drinks, the female doesn't. Generally the male appreciates the food, the female makes it. Generally, these guys are overweight. They make happy pics, but I can't gurantee that you would feel happy after seeing those pics.
These couples go home once in 3-4 years. Shops and does the usual there. And feels more resolute in their decision to stay in their phoren abode. The dust, the pollution, the heat, the sound, and the people back home appear too much to take, for them.
In addition, careers pay more, are easier to find, and more stimulating here. Therefore, almost all married/committed couples think, ...and do, stay back (back= North America. The US. Canada).
Common stuff: Love for food, love for dollars, Love for North America, love, love and love in general...towards each other, and their friends consisting mostly of other married/committed couples.
Also, married/committed couples are involved in less online activity. They are involved rather, in more socializing. Almost no porn is enjoyed by the male. The couples use very less of webcams but makes very huge use of digicams. They possess very low to low knowledge of politics, music, TV and social scene of India (or what used to be home).
So what's the bottomline of reading this long and boring post?
Get a partner/married, before coming for Grad Studies. You will end up happier. You will never, ever, regret it.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Ethnography of Single, International Grad Students
This post will be cliched, as it will deal with the cliched life of what are known as International Graduate Student in North America (meaning Canada and America). I do not know much about life in UK for my sympathetic counterparts, but I've a feeling that things are not too different there, as far as quality is concerned. Probably there would be a difference in degree.
How would I name the life here? Where do I really start?? What about year? So here I go:
First Year Int'l Grad Student: "chokhhey tahar notun asha, mukhe notun bhasha" (that's bengali for the uninitiated...)
Dreams: (MALE) Student thinks of partying in sprawled new apartments/bars, meeting and doing subsequent activities with white chicks, owning laptop after a month, a car after three months, meeting sympathetic and patriotic taxi drivers (like shown in Hindi movies) and having li'l chit-chats, cracking exams and courses like coconuts,....and publishing after a year.
(FEMALE) Student thinks of partying in the trendiest tank tops in sprawled new apartments/bars, meeting white and desi dudes, owning laptop after a month, a car after three months, seeing snow and dancing on them in bollywood fashion, getting beautiful and attractive and beat the white chicks in class, cracking exams like kitkats, .......and continue doing so for the rest of the year.
COMMON stuff: Material gains, and dreaming of living rest of the life here.
Reality: (MALE): Student lives in a four or five bedroom house with three other people/lives in two bedroom apartments with two or three other male students. If he's lucky, he would get an entire bedroom to his own self. He does partying.....in dreams. In reality, he does not have the bucks. Sometimes he does, but only gets the boring desi dudes to accompany him. White chicks don't look at him. Student goes and buys some good aftershaves, invests some money in jackets, and caps. No improvement, still.
Exasperated, Student learns about new forms of entertainment--downloading stuff. Starts downloading. Porn and non-porn movies. Watches them in weekend after cooking daal and tarka and chicken curry. Washroom remains uncleaned. Student dreams of home and prepares inward dialogues with friends and family once he goes home (which he thinks will be after a year).
Courses suck. Student learns how to use sci-finder and google scholar. Student befriends some white dudes and keeps away from the black and chinese people. White dudes say "Hi" and "Hellos" sometimes. Student feels elated. Student calls up home and tell Maa "I've made some friends--Mike, Brian and Steve". Maa back home tells neighbours.
Laptops arrive after 3 months. Cars? No sight till now. Like white chicks, they prove to be a myth too. Student is able to save some money though, and send some back home. Student sighs, goes to sleep after watching porn.
(FEMALE) Student lives with four other desi and multi-national gals. Student has frequent fights sometimes, over who would clean the washroom and kitchen. However, sometimes life is good when all the chicks share boyfriend blues and dessert. Student gets some photos taken and sends them back home.
Student takes some pics of "FALL COLOURS" and posts them on personal websites. Sends some home. Student wears tank tops and mini-skirts and really doesn't feel bad. Feels good, actually. Takes pics with Becky. Sends them back home. Student learns American/Canadian cooking. Exchanges recipes with other fellow students in and across continent. Student learns about how to apply make-up. Student works hard in weekdays, writes papers and impresses supervisor. Partys in the weekend. Gets elated on seeing the first snow....but seems like no one shares excitement. Tries dancing, slips and falls. Swears not to do it again.
Learns and realizes it's not sinful to drink alcohol. Drinks wine. Learns about wine.
No white dudes, still. Desi ones suck.
Second Year Int'l Grad Student:
Dreams: No Dreams except of going home.
Reality:
(MALE) Student knows where coke costs less and which grocery store/liquor store sells beer @ 50 cents less. Student gets worldly wise. Student is able to adopt the american accent. White chicks can finally understand him. No other sign of liking, however. Student now is wise enough to try for desi chicks instead. Student spends more time on Facebook, Yahoo chats and Orkut. Finds similar minded Desi chicks. Student is able to hook up some, talks to them over phone. Sends them flowers in birthdays. Turns out Desi chicks like some other guy. Student returns back to square one.
One thing that Student learns is Patience. Student patiently tries and keeps on trying his tricks, on chicks and cooking. Cooking has got better. Washrooms have got better too. They get cleaned once a month, instead of once in three months.
Student works hard in weekdays. Stays in Lab since 10 pm mostly. Comes back and does some online stuff.....they are the only source of diversion now. Student owns a webcam and uses it 100%. Student learns about how to watch cricket matches free from pirated sites.
Come Puja and Diwali, student visits local desi junta. Chicks that look good are all married. Sees some chalega types. Exchanges phone numbers and asks chalega chicks to call them whenever they need a ride....or when they are grocery shopping.
Yes, student has a car now. For which, student has to pay high insurance.
Student learns how to fool the supervisor. If the supervisor is desi however, God bless him. Student has to buy more vaseline, then.
Student does TA-ing and keeps requesting supervisor to make him a RA. Student likes some undergrad white chicks, but like plagiarism, this is something he must not try on. Mike, Steve and Brian haven't advanced more than Hi-s and Hello-s. To make matters worse, KFCs and Pizzas and beers have added to the weight. Late nights and that weight make the student look 20 years older and 10 times worse. However, Student has got wise. We must not forget that.
Student advises junior student back home not to come here. Junior Student thinks of that as blocking opportunities. Student tries to explain--"Life sucks here, man"
(FEMALE) Student looks better. Does some gymming so as to keep looking different than the married fattening bhabis. Student does not send money back home but never forgets to order some cakes and flowers for parent's anniversary. Orders online. Student misses home and friends of college.
Snow doesn't excite the student anymore. Student feels excitement only at conference calls, paper and abstract acceptances. Student does TA and doesn't mind it much.
In one year, Student gets wise and gets online-savvy. Student owns webcam, and uses it 70%. Hooks up with some desi guys back home as well as close by. Student likes some of them. Thinks of visiting some of them in the Thanksgiving break. Student thinks of buying a car. But thinks of the high insurance and backs off. Student invests more on clothes now.
In Diwali and Puja, Student dresses in ethnic wear and gets some pics taken. Sends them home. Posts some online. Some guys get attracted, and communication finally starts.
This inspires students to make some trips. Student visits some naturally beautiful places, takes pics and sends them back home.
Student tells fellow junior students back home: "If you need some info mail me. Life is a bit strange here, sometimes lonely, but you will get a lot of freedom.....all the best, yaar!"
COMMON stuff: Webcams, Loneliness, online activity. And the strange feeling that home wouldn't be better, back home. Student gets used to the fruit juice and starbucks coffee.
The above treatise is on Single Students. For Married Students, treatise is forthcoming.
Stay Put.
How would I name the life here? Where do I really start?? What about year? So here I go:
First Year Int'l Grad Student: "chokhhey tahar notun asha, mukhe notun bhasha" (that's bengali for the uninitiated...)
Dreams: (MALE) Student thinks of partying in sprawled new apartments/bars, meeting and doing subsequent activities with white chicks, owning laptop after a month, a car after three months, meeting sympathetic and patriotic taxi drivers (like shown in Hindi movies) and having li'l chit-chats, cracking exams and courses like coconuts,....and publishing after a year.
(FEMALE) Student thinks of partying in the trendiest tank tops in sprawled new apartments/bars, meeting white and desi dudes, owning laptop after a month, a car after three months, seeing snow and dancing on them in bollywood fashion, getting beautiful and attractive and beat the white chicks in class, cracking exams like kitkats, .......and continue doing so for the rest of the year.
COMMON stuff: Material gains, and dreaming of living rest of the life here.
Reality: (MALE): Student lives in a four or five bedroom house with three other people/lives in two bedroom apartments with two or three other male students. If he's lucky, he would get an entire bedroom to his own self. He does partying.....in dreams. In reality, he does not have the bucks. Sometimes he does, but only gets the boring desi dudes to accompany him. White chicks don't look at him. Student goes and buys some good aftershaves, invests some money in jackets, and caps. No improvement, still.
Exasperated, Student learns about new forms of entertainment--downloading stuff. Starts downloading. Porn and non-porn movies. Watches them in weekend after cooking daal and tarka and chicken curry. Washroom remains uncleaned. Student dreams of home and prepares inward dialogues with friends and family once he goes home (which he thinks will be after a year).
Courses suck. Student learns how to use sci-finder and google scholar. Student befriends some white dudes and keeps away from the black and chinese people. White dudes say "Hi" and "Hellos" sometimes. Student feels elated. Student calls up home and tell Maa "I've made some friends--Mike, Brian and Steve". Maa back home tells neighbours.
Laptops arrive after 3 months. Cars? No sight till now. Like white chicks, they prove to be a myth too. Student is able to save some money though, and send some back home. Student sighs, goes to sleep after watching porn.
(FEMALE) Student lives with four other desi and multi-national gals. Student has frequent fights sometimes, over who would clean the washroom and kitchen. However, sometimes life is good when all the chicks share boyfriend blues and dessert. Student gets some photos taken and sends them back home.
Student takes some pics of "FALL COLOURS" and posts them on personal websites. Sends some home. Student wears tank tops and mini-skirts and really doesn't feel bad. Feels good, actually. Takes pics with Becky. Sends them back home. Student learns American/Canadian cooking. Exchanges recipes with other fellow students in and across continent. Student learns about how to apply make-up. Student works hard in weekdays, writes papers and impresses supervisor. Partys in the weekend. Gets elated on seeing the first snow....but seems like no one shares excitement. Tries dancing, slips and falls. Swears not to do it again.
Learns and realizes it's not sinful to drink alcohol. Drinks wine. Learns about wine.
No white dudes, still. Desi ones suck.
Second Year Int'l Grad Student:
Dreams: No Dreams except of going home.
Reality:
(MALE) Student knows where coke costs less and which grocery store/liquor store sells beer @ 50 cents less. Student gets worldly wise. Student is able to adopt the american accent. White chicks can finally understand him. No other sign of liking, however. Student now is wise enough to try for desi chicks instead. Student spends more time on Facebook, Yahoo chats and Orkut. Finds similar minded Desi chicks. Student is able to hook up some, talks to them over phone. Sends them flowers in birthdays. Turns out Desi chicks like some other guy. Student returns back to square one.
One thing that Student learns is Patience. Student patiently tries and keeps on trying his tricks, on chicks and cooking. Cooking has got better. Washrooms have got better too. They get cleaned once a month, instead of once in three months.
Student works hard in weekdays. Stays in Lab since 10 pm mostly. Comes back and does some online stuff.....they are the only source of diversion now. Student owns a webcam and uses it 100%. Student learns about how to watch cricket matches free from pirated sites.
Come Puja and Diwali, student visits local desi junta. Chicks that look good are all married. Sees some chalega types. Exchanges phone numbers and asks chalega chicks to call them whenever they need a ride....or when they are grocery shopping.
Yes, student has a car now. For which, student has to pay high insurance.
Student learns how to fool the supervisor. If the supervisor is desi however, God bless him. Student has to buy more vaseline, then.
Student does TA-ing and keeps requesting supervisor to make him a RA. Student likes some undergrad white chicks, but like plagiarism, this is something he must not try on. Mike, Steve and Brian haven't advanced more than Hi-s and Hello-s. To make matters worse, KFCs and Pizzas and beers have added to the weight. Late nights and that weight make the student look 20 years older and 10 times worse. However, Student has got wise. We must not forget that.
Student advises junior student back home not to come here. Junior Student thinks of that as blocking opportunities. Student tries to explain--"Life sucks here, man"
(FEMALE) Student looks better. Does some gymming so as to keep looking different than the married fattening bhabis. Student does not send money back home but never forgets to order some cakes and flowers for parent's anniversary. Orders online. Student misses home and friends of college.
Snow doesn't excite the student anymore. Student feels excitement only at conference calls, paper and abstract acceptances. Student does TA and doesn't mind it much.
In one year, Student gets wise and gets online-savvy. Student owns webcam, and uses it 70%. Hooks up with some desi guys back home as well as close by. Student likes some of them. Thinks of visiting some of them in the Thanksgiving break. Student thinks of buying a car. But thinks of the high insurance and backs off. Student invests more on clothes now.
In Diwali and Puja, Student dresses in ethnic wear and gets some pics taken. Sends them home. Posts some online. Some guys get attracted, and communication finally starts.
This inspires students to make some trips. Student visits some naturally beautiful places, takes pics and sends them back home.
Student tells fellow junior students back home: "If you need some info mail me. Life is a bit strange here, sometimes lonely, but you will get a lot of freedom.....all the best, yaar!"
COMMON stuff: Webcams, Loneliness, online activity. And the strange feeling that home wouldn't be better, back home. Student gets used to the fruit juice and starbucks coffee.
The above treatise is on Single Students. For Married Students, treatise is forthcoming.
Stay Put.
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