Hallucination? (gibberish)

When an ultra cynic like me hallucinates, or imagines that she hallucinates, or rather has an imagination which she calls hallucination, it is worth writing it down; these things do not happen everyday and this blog is hardly well-read or well-worth to not contain it.

Moments ago as I was lying, face down, facing the stove-like heat from the room heater on my face (my bed is positioned just along side it), with my eyes closed and feeling that I'm going through a sweet earthquake with everything oscillating around me, the walls, the floor....I was rather liking it...it was like being drunk without even drinking a drop...much alike seeing a movie without going to the movie theatre (or opening a WMA file in your computer); and then I was going deep, falling deep, I don't know where but I could see a big, snowy cottony, bluish roundish chunk of matter which I recognized as affection, waiting to be tossed by someone's fingertips. I know that someone and I have a blood relation with that someone. That someone made a slight movement, the big ball of chunk of affection rolled into me, crushed onto me, broke onto me and then....went past me...and as I opened my eyes I could see the white walls and the white roof and I felt like I'm lying on the snowy road below with of course my comforter on and a ping-pong ball juggling its way through red and yellow liquids in my head while I could still hear the winds blowing (well....yes...howling) outside the closed window in my room and then in an attempt to do something to the whiteness I pick up the knife thought I would give a drop of red...but the red droplet just went inside the snow but then I should never give up.

I was fully wide awake as I was feeling all these...

Funny that at this moment I remembered a song, or rather a discotheque song which became very popular while I was in Spain..."give it up...ta da da da da da ...give it up....." and it went on and on...

It is easy to give it up but hell...all hell breaks lose when one gives it up and should I take the responsibility?
But I like the oscillating feeling. Liking something never has to be sinful.....has it?......and when all definitions and borderlines of sins and goods gets blurred, it is even better......like that ping pong ball going through and through.....