An orkut friend of mine once told me some weeks back that he doesn't read blogs (of friends, foes and acquaintances) since they are all depressed and depressing; people are no longer happy.
Another orkut friend of mine told a very-depressed-at-that-point-of-time me (also some weeks back) that we should learn to be happy. Happiness is to be picked up and consumed....it is just lying around.
True. We hear these words from psychiatrists and Oprah, read them in Bible and Jehovah's Witness books and the poster in the xerox machine room and yet these words are tossed around with cynicism of mundane reality. Happiness is a subjective term. Yet, if not all of us, a majority of us that we see around us, live with, meet with, fight with, are deeply unhappy souls trying to appear normal and lucky.
By the way, I'm excluding the happy albums that we hunt around everyday in orkut, in lunch breaks and when we get up. I'm excluding them because happy people do not deserve to be debunked. They should be left with their happiness, left aside, as you can observe them. And it stops at just that. You can only see. You cannot absorb. You cannot learn an iota of the wisdom of happiness. You cannot just pretend life is good for you when it is not; you just cannot presume the happiness in life when your aficionado takes forever to come to you, when your academic career is just in pieces, when your job is the usual grilled sandwich, when your roommate makes it impossible for you to come out of your room, when you eat your lonely dinners and try to find happiness in the testimonials others have written about you in orkut or the "hello" you receive from the white chick whose ass you were eying yesterday evening. These things just do not go away. We do, from life.
Yet, we show how happy we are in our little pigeon hole constructions. There are so many "yet"-s in the story that when you would actually pause and take notice, you would probably exclaim at the need to maintain such a facade. If we are supposed to be happy with the set of life situations we are in, why cannot we just be that? From this perspective, it appears so easy to just to swiss and squish the missing block from our lives and move on.....doesn't it? With so many formulas of happiness around, and so many living legends to be inspired from, why is it such a difficult task to be just content and accepting of whatever life gives us?
No, dear reader, henceforth doesn't come the answer to how to be happy. Neither do I intend to ask rhetorical questions only. In fact, this entry is being written without any manifest and/or devilish intentions. If I would have to put anything in the "intention" box, it could only be "an attempt to describe and just describe" the "Happiness Problem".
We know why we can't be happy. Only this time, like many other "why"-s, knowing and recognizing the problem does not help us find the solution but increase the unhappiness. To renounce all temptations and bounce upon the path shown by Buddha appears to be too unrealistic and certainly....very suicidal. To bounce upon the path of picking up the lying-around happiness as my orkut friend has suggested, appears, at least to me, young, unrealistic and enthusiastic suggestion. If we dig deeper and get into the physiological reasons that enhance the unhappy state....all the chemicals in the brain and the hormones in the body....we all know the counteractive effect of serotonin. Yet, few of us would join a laughing club or go to the gym to be happy.
No, we all want to be happy.
We know why we can't be happy.
We know how to look happy.
We just don't know how to do it.
Even when we have love, when we achieve success, when we look smashing.......some of us are seldom happy.
We've perfected the art of creating the illusion of happiness......perhaps because the real thing is not real? Perhaps because there is no such thing as happiness? Perhaps because the non-existence of happiness keeps us going ......and searching....and going....with life...........and suffice to be the reason of living?
Now....that is quite easy to fathom and accept.....................and be happy about. No?
6 comments:
Happiness is not an illusion. It is instead, a closely guarded secret. Which everyone strives to find. And yet it eludes us like the golden cities of El Dorado. Some like to think of themselves as happy. They are the wise men.
And thanks for remembering my words. Not many people do it. :)
@ the none
You are blessed, my brother!
"non-existence of happiness keeps us living"...
well..is it always like that..?..a person sometimes may get tired of unhappiness n decide to quit...aint it...
i believe each person has a unique set of values, n happiness comes by employing those in real life...
think bout thing which made u happy in past...n try to make them ur job...eg. u like blogging/ranting...ok..why not become a writer...
u like preaching..y not become a teacher...
..of course the choices are difficult to make..to break out from the mould the world wants to shape u into to the image of urself u r comfortable with...
...analysing what makes us unhappy n the freudian drift leads only to analysis paralysis...
..the key is to focus on those things which make me happy...n try to make them part of my life..my job...but it may not always be possible some-one might ask...ya then u might hv to alter few things in ur life to make it in...
..happiness is an inividual's choice..a personal responsibility..it lies in making a sky out of the happiness rainbows u had in ur past...
@anupam
It's irrelevant whether and how I want to be happy. I would request you not to comment on it, because you hardly know me and I hardly know you and even when we know people we do not have the right to prescribe things.
This blog entry was about making an analysis about happiness. It is not a recipe of who can be happy and how to be happy.
I am not an unhappy person. Somedays I am happy for no reason at all and somedays I feel unhappy for so many reasons that I lose count of them! And I do teach....that is how I get paid as a Phd student by the way.
Thank you for reading my blog. :-)
just two things...
when the word "u"..was used in my earlier comment it was not you who were getting adressed but it was a generalisation..for you,me n everyone...i think it offended you..so apologies for my grammar but not for my intent...
just that i feel TOO STRONGLY about concept of happiness to let anyone generalise about it...
what i believe:
1. happiness is a habit...first of all it depends on synergising with your(oops our..) value systems...(eg. if somebody places a value on his career more than his family..he would happily be employed performing innovative scientific experiments in africa. but if somebody places a value on his family more than career..he might be happily living wid his joint family in a village in india...)...n yes we have seen enough of unhappy rich n haapy poor in that sense..so money definitely does not count as a value system.
2. in addition to being in synergy wid our value systems( which is the main thing),what matters is our effort to employ some happiness habits in part of our routine:excercising,expressing gratitude,reading something for artistic mental stimulation,doing an act of altruism...
...i reiterate that there is a science of happiness...n it consists of listening to our hearts..(value systems that is..)..n some daily habits which i mentioned..
..now as you mentioned what makes you happy might not make me happy..(its just because your value systems differ from mine..)..and that is perfectly normal..n when we work towards our value systems..(n dont listen to what society dictates or people wid value systems other than our's say)..then only is true happiness achieved...and this is a CONSCIOUS EFFORT...i repeat "happiness is a byproduct of our efforts which are in synergy with our value systems"
what i dont believe in:
1. happiness lies in picking up the pieces of happiness lying around..bullshit..external happiness can never be lasting..
2. happiness lies in realising "non-existence of happiness"..n then working for happiness...but the question is here wehave to be clear about what happiness is...n by the way there are many people who are happy with their lives..n will continue to be happy in future..because they listen to their own hearts(values) n follow some happiness habits..
3. if somebody is very happy one day..n becomes sad next day for no rhyme or reason..we docs label it as a form of bipolar disorders..mood swings reflect an underlying depression n definitely not a manifestation of vividness n variety of our lives or psyche...
..in the end i would jus like to say.. that happiness is no el dorado..nor is it a closely guarded secrets..it is just the result of listening to the voices of our heart(value systems)..n putting it in operation within our circumstances...
p.s.
some excellent advice about pursuit of "happy"ess..
1. richard koch. what makes us happy?..80\20 principle.
2. authentic happiness...martin seligman..
@anupam
When one comes up with strict formulations about who are happy and who are not and who are what they are when they are not perennially happy as well as how to achieve happiness...I sincerely believe that person needs to be happy for a day to come up with ideas rather than empty jargonistic formulations.
Peace.
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